Glassy-eyed with expectations based on the nebulous stuff of stardust, I began married life over thirty years ago with virtually no preparation or knowledge of what marriage entails. Reality burst my bubble rather quickly. On the heels of one of my numerous early mess-ups, it hit me; I didn’t know anything about marriage, nor did I know anything about my new wife. Yes, she was a diamond… but she was very human – with needs, lots of them – and expected me to fill them. She was a person, a woman and my wife. We weren’t one. We were two distinct individuals who joined together to become one.
The $64,000 question became “How do two imperfect people create a perfect marriage?” The answer necessitated redefining my perception of marriage and meant reexamining myself and my goals; placing an ideal above self-centered thoughts of marriage and what my wife ‘owed’ me. It meant recognizing and flourishing in the fascinating paradox of marriage; you choose a partner for selfish reasons but, once you marry, your life becomes dedicated to filling their needs, thereby finding a new, deeper and more complete self (as will be explained).
Eliezer Medwed founded and directs Owning Marriage. He is an ordained Rabbi, holds Bachelor and Master’s Degrees in Rabbinic Studies, graduated the University of Michigan, authored four books and four smaller works on marriage, writes a column on Marriage, Family & Society for the largest Jewish weekly in the U.S., and is an inventor, holding U.S. Patents. He is an Addiction and Substance Abuse Counselor and General Conflict and Marital Mediator. With his wife, he directed the K.S.T. Rehabilitation Services for Marriage in Israel. He lectures on topics of marriage and offers individual and couples consultations. Sara Medwed directs Owning Marriage’s women’s programs, edits all her husband’s writings, has published articles and is a noted speaker. She lectures and offers private consultations on all matters of marriage and family, including child raising and rearing. She is a Marital & Family Counselor and was co-director of K.S.T. Rehabilitation Services for Marriage in Israel. She is also an Addiction and Substance Abuse Counselor, a certified Suicide Interventionist and a Life Coach. She is a noted artist; with commissioned pieces in the U.S., Canada, England, Israel and Australia. Mrs. Medwed’s commissioned artwork has been presented to the President of the United States. She is also an inventor and holds U.S. patents.
Owning Marriage’s mission is to educate and train couples for successful and rewarding marriage thereby alleviating the need for future counseling or therapy. Most couples never attain the ideals and goals they set for themselves when they joined in the bonds of marriage.